smile.: 2014

there is nothing more beautiful than the way the ocean refuses

to stop kissing the shore line no matter how many times it is sent away.

Hello internet!

It's been awhile since i've blogged, eh? Well actually I secretly did prepare things to blog about (oops secret's out how exciting), they're pretty blank but I will fill them up soon so stay tuned:)

So i've been on a three day trip to kuantan. tbh it's really nothing special. This is actually the second time i went there. I just thought I took really nice photos so I just wanted to put them on my blog. We slept at the Swiss Garden resort & spa. My mom has some sort of membership with swiss garden idk. The reception was horrible. We had to wait for more than half an hour just to get a room because none were available ~~pshh talk about bad service.~~ But we did get free wifi for three days as compensation (luckyy). Anyways, we went swimming after that. It's been awhile since I last swam because of my broken arm it was so greeeat to swim again. Plus we found a ball that someone abandoned in the pool lolzor. We went for a walk at the beach at night (p.s best feeling ever). The breeze, scenery and sound of waves going back and forth the shore. i wish i lived by the sea.

Not to mention the buffet dinner was AMAZING. It has everything that i would ever wanted. Lobster, crabs, prawns, oysters, hot dogs, chicken, tortillas, spaghetti (both carbonara and bolognaise), pizza, cupcakes, macaroons, cakes, chocolates, pineapple fried rice, ice cream (with tons of toppings to choose from), fruit, salad, marshmallows and A CHOCOLATE FOUNTAIN. CHOCOLATE FOUNTAAAAIN! I even prayed my belly to stay hungry so I can eat everything on the menu (god i am such a fat ass haha). The waiter was totes nice too. It was honestly the best of the best meals i ever ate so far. Later we went to the play room to play wii-u sports and carrom (which i almost won my mom goddamn it).

Sometimes I do wish that the sea in malaysia could be crystal green like the one i saw at langkawi. It's disappointing to see the sea brown-ish on the pictures i took and comparing it to the seas at other countries. On the day going home (restaurant recommendation lol), we went muar-e kopitiam. It was the regular asian kopitiam and i'd have to say that the food was really good and their milo was perfection (i go to kopitiams to drink milo lol. i don't like coffee k). And I guess that's it, we went home and do a lot of laundry.

mkay bye xx.

// i felt like i've changed this month idk. it's not a big change but y'know.

// a goddamned lizard fell on my hand and i literally squirmed a little. i didn't know lizard skin felt like rubber. atleast it's better than cockroaches yikes.

// i went to the big bad wolf sale and i have to say that i'm really disappointed. the prices were good, food was good but i couldn't find the exact books i wanted because the place was hugeee.

// i need to stop this habit of making the same picture as my profile picture for every single social media. idk it's hard to see me look good in a picture for once that i can't help it.

'emo is the new trend now.' - s.w.

Hello internet :)

Heyhey it's October, season of sweaters (which I'll never wear) and halloween (which we don't celebrate in Malaysia hmm). My exam is officially over but really, i'm still wasting time doing absolutely nothing because one, i can't go out and hang without transportation and two, i'm not the type to have a lot of friends that i can choose as an option to go out with anytime of the day. Looks like i'm stuck at home, which is pretty fine by me.

Going back to the quote i wrote below the picture, yes emo. If any of you lived under a rock (no offense btw), emo often describes a person as depressing, have low tolerance for sad emotions and thinks negative about everything that's happening around them. Emo's hardly interact and are chiefly shut-ins at home. And just like hipsters or punks, they're disliked by most people because they claim that emo's always act like their problems are huge and all they ever talk about is blood and the colour black which is kinda me in my head that is. Which I totally object. Emo's are just people who know how to think realistically which makes me admire them.

Now I may sound weird to some but ever since i started watching anime, i grew to like emo culture and emo behaviour. The thing about me is that i don't why but i like stuff that are sad and realistic, especially quotes and poems. My friend said that emo is more trending than hipster. Lucky me, emo has always suited me. Before i entered high school, i was the girl who liked nothing but black and white. Now i like rainbow colours (what i contrast i know). But that doesn't mean i don't like black and white anymore. White is my favourite colour and black makes you look skinny and it reminds me of Dan. I just realised Dan does have emo traits like he's mature & a realist to everything, guess that explains why I'm attracted (lol).

If I ever lived in foreign countries especially america, i'd be a total goth. I personally think emo people are cool. I mean despite their nose rings and piercings, i'm in love with their fashion sense. Their outerwear, sweaters and headphones are cool. Plus they have epic hair and deep eyeliner. Their music taste is also similar to mine, punk rock pop and indie rock. Examples; the xx. People say the xx makes good music but it's too depressing for them. Jamie xx is my favourite band member, mainly because he can play drums hah. Romy has a beautiful voice and it's disappointing that Baria left. I just want to buy their merch *sobs*.

After blogging, i honestly don't know how i was able to think or blog about emo's today. I just like them really much. The xx is the reason why I like to put an "xx" after most things i type.
I would be an emo if i want to.

mkay bye xx.
// anime on top; mekaku city actors
// i need to stop having the worst luck.
// future posts: clothing haul, things i cannot stand, traits i want to have
// worst feeling ever: when everyone looks like they're having the time of their life and you're miserable.

"Maggie will say she wishes she looked like me and I'll say I wish I looked like her. And it won't make a bit of difference, because two minutes later, we'll both be sitting here in our same bodies, except we'll have managed to make ourselves feel bad over something we can't change."
- The Carrie Diaries.

Hello internet.

Like any typical girl, I too have insecurities. Especially since I'm unpopular nor have many friends. No girl likes to hear someone who's honestly better than themselves saying: oh my god I am so lame/ugly/dumb etc. I know my friends don't cause maybe they see the bright side of me like how I see them. Most girls deny compliments even if it came from the heart. But have you ever wondered why? Because they probably have a different view than you do. How are you supposed to fix that? By listening to friends on how they see you and maybe boost some of that self-confidence. Depending whether the fact is actually valid or not. And that is why today, I would like to tell my reasons why I am insecure, ~~why I feel like I have the worse life among my friends.~~

✡ Socially awkward

Most of my friends deny the fact that I call myself socially awkward and maybe there are others who thinks that I only say that cause she wanted to relate to Dan Howell. Here's my point of view, honestly I am an extrovert on the internet and an introvert in reality. I don't know why but I think it's because I'm the type who can't exactly talk to you in your face. I'm terrified to see what kind of reaction you would have whenever I accidentally said something wrong or inappropriate. Since I can't see your facial expressions on the net, I can take some time to think of a better response or even a funny pun so you and I, would both be comfortable. I have a friend who said "you're not awkward, look at the number of friends you have!". Hey, the number of friends I have doesn't determine how I'm not awkward. Plus I don't exactly call people I'm not close with 'friends', they're only acquaintances. Nothing special going on between us at all. On the contrary, to the friend who said this to me, you're the one with the friends. You may not have many friends, but all the friends you have now are close to you. So honestly you'd be the winner in this case.

✡ The Looks

First off, I'm not insecure to the extent that I call myself hideous. That only happens depending on the situation. I am grateful to have been born without a problem with a loving family and is living in Malaysia where hardly any natural disasters occur. There are other people who have it a lot worse. But yeah we all have that mood that says 'hmm i actually look good for once' and sometimes 'ew' during the days. I called myself average but lately I got insecure and I dropped a level. How is beauty determined? I'm not sure but I think beauty is determined by the number of people who calls you pretty, especially guys. Now you may think, why should beauty be determined by guys? That's ridiculous. But girl truth is, beauty attracts the opposite gender. Who are we looking pretty for? Everyone of course. But who gets attracted? Girls yes, but it's the boys. Around me, usually the skinny girls attract boys. People would say:

"You ain't bad yourself y'know."
"Well I don't feel like it."
"Don't you know guys like girls with boobs and butt?"
"No, from what I researched, guys like skinny girls who have boobs and butt. Skinny girls comes second and chubby girls with boobs and butt come last. Guys don't like girls who are fat because they look unhealthy."
"Then explain why xxx can get guys when she's chubby and has boobs and butt?"
"Because she has a pretty face and she exercises."
End of story.

✡ Talent-less

I have a friend who's talented and smart, two best things in the world right there. And another friend who's a piano prodigy. I seriously don't know what I'm good at. Since young, I was convinced that I was an artist. But aye my drawings are pretty lame compared to Carmen. I am trying to develop skills like learning the ukulele, singing, writing, playing games(?), and even skating. I always wanted to skate but apparently there's only one place with flat ground to skate and it's at the park, filled with some drop-outs who skateboard. Nope, not taking a chance to make friends with them and see them skateboard while I wear on my skates and safety gear because "apparently" skateboarding is "cooler". I'll just skate at home.

✡ Music taste

My music taste is different than anyone else. But I really wish I could find a partner to share that music with. Like there's the group of hipsters in our school, I listen to a few hipster groups but whenever I try to join in the hipsters, they hardly care so- whatever then. I do listen to some music that I've never told anyone else but then someone happens to like the same music I do. I try to tell them "hey I love them too. when did you start listening?" and they go "long time ago". And I'm like stunned, is this a competition or something? And so happens this person shares that music out to the whole world but ended up being 'cool'. You get so angered up and thoughts like "I knew them first" or "Oh my god you-" pops out. People only get interested in your stuff if you're popular or hipster. Cause looks like hipster is the new trend now. Everyone is trying to be different and actually showing it.

And there you have it. A passage of my rants and thoughts in one post.

I sound pretty judgemental but aren't we all?

Have a lovely day. mkay bye xx.

// my john green book set came by the mail. sincerely happy.

// getting sick of the people here.