personality-wise, i have a lot. i think i have a split personality even. but you know what they say, people act differently with different people. there's the confident and ambitious me, me who looks at herself in the mirror and say 'hey i look beautiful. i love how my eyes shine under the sun. i wonder if this ever mesmerizes anyone before.' or 'i think i look prettier up close', this comes up whenever i say that, a quote from margo in paper towns; "Everything's uglier up close". Me who wishes to meet lots of new people, in school or on the internet. but kids in school all stay in their pack like wolves, and those who don't are cool but they're not as faithful as you would think they'd be, the lone wolf. unless you treat them better than the thousands of people they've met. good luck with that. the thing about me is that i am just not approachable, i can't keep conversations flowing and awkward silences always come to haunt me. and i am always in my pack too. i'm pretty sure even if i got out of my pack, no one would come otherwise. i have to go. and i'm scared. so to say, it's not you it's me.

on the contrary, the internet is my comfort zone. where my social skills really adapt. because on the internet, people actually judge you through your personality. they are the true kind of people to befriend with. in reality, people see you first, your face. your body and your popularity. befriend you to just get fame, and that makes you happy? i've been on many sites, never put on a profile picture and people just treat me like i'm their close bud, easily i found a friend. conversing on the internet is amazing because i actually get time to think of a smart reply that won't leave people hanging with awkward laughing. the internet is seriously one of the best places for me. even though there are haters and trolls, people think differently. they have their mindset and it's not necessary for you to follow along. you do what you want. in society, you are forced to fit in. on the internet, you do what the hell you want to do. be who you want to be, and eventually the right people will come to you.

i guess someone will say "if you think like that on the internet, society is the same as well. just be yourself." well guess what honey, i've been myself for almost all of my life, still i haven't met any strangers who would come to really like me as i am and say "hey you're cool. i want to be friends with you.". if i met you on the internet for many years and liked you for your personality and interests, even if you're ugly af, i would still be your friend. people in society all they do is judge, judge, judge and people do as they say. they're happy to be what society wants them to be? but hey there are people who are different like me, we're friendly on the internet and cold on the outside. she's quiet on the outside better not approach her. wow she's actually nice on the interne! maybe i misunderstood her. or another case, he looks super duper friendly on the net though but he is so cold to people in person. people will just be people and there's nothing we can do about it. i know this behaviour won't get me a lot of friends, but i think i'll be happy with the friends i got. end.

// basically what i'm trying to say here is that i am not good at conversing in reality because i can't do it and i don't attract people to do it either unless i really really really really like you but yes honestly my real personality, like the real me is how i'm acting on the internet. if we ever meet, i'm sorry that you have to do the work to talk to me not because i'm super cocky, i'm just shy and awkward af. but i'll try my best to get my courage to initiate a conversation first.

// i was going to talk about my different personalities but looks like i turned this into an essay haha. i guess next time then. a lot more to come.

// they tar-ed the road and i'm loving the pavement. i'm going skateboarding soon.