it seems as time was never there for me. why do all the good things fade? things were always off when things can't make. time was always wrong for so i say. when things are fine why does it seem. that things would never go the way. i wished they would so magically.

when i'm out the picture, out the door. a pretty scenery starts to form. this bitter feeling. good for others but not for me. things aren't as complicated as they should be. but why oh why must this occur to me. the bittersweet inside me, yet happy yet angered. is this a conspiracy and should this matter?

this looks intentional but it's not performed by others. time and space have something with each other. feels like being replaced when you don't matter. when actually things are just fine. you're just shattered.

will the light shine on me i never thought it would. will i get happiness without trying to. why is life so bumpy on the route to ecstasy. why are people so wrong to me. i wish for a change of thought. change of people, change of fond.

i rather be forgotten than to be replaced.

// honestly even i had no idea what i typed but as long as it means something to me then it matters. i seriously just scramble words while humming beyonce's "pray you catch me".
// why is timing never in my favour most of the time? should I blame myself or the other for being too late?
// i'm really desperate to listen to beyonce's new album, lemonade. i'm not a fan for the angry songs. but "pray you catch me" and "hold up" totally got my attention. i hate how she can't put it on youtube but on tidal. i freaking hate tidal omg. but beyonce will always be queen.
// i can't pass up the gif where beyonce looks so blessed after expressing and relieving her feelings so here it is:

Hello internet! :D
it has been almost four weeks since i started college. and honestly i'm starting to get used to this lifestyle. i still remember how hard it was to struggle waking up at 5.30 a.m, take a shower and drive to college everyday. my digestive system isn't even awake at that time so i get tummy grumble noises every morning which sucked for the first few weeks. slowly i'm okay now.

making new friends sounded like a challenge at first. but it's true how people just naturally come (well at least for me). i'm just so grateful on the day that god planned to set me with a girl who's as lonely as i am and choosing the same subjects as well. we'll probably be sticking to each other for the whole year. and also orientation friends and new class friends! i miss ash. and j.m for not being with us as much anymore like on orientation day. but we still stay in contact. most of the students in my biology and chemistry class are similar people so we've gotten pretty close :). i even got to go to a food bazaar at monash and play dodgeball with them. i hit my friend's face and just a few inches more to my guy friend's crotch. so glad he jumped up when the ball was hitting in that direction.

college homework was pretty overwhelming especially for my maths and english. they just don't stop coming. i found someone i really admired, my english lecturer. she's just so cool with her black fringe, her casualness in the way she dresses and still looks effortlessly gorgeous. she's hilarious, dorky and awkward all at once. she is my senpai <3 (no homo)

i'm enjoying college life so far. the only thing that sucks is the exams obviously, but most importantly not seeing my squad with me. almost all of them are starting their college lives as well. sadly most of us went to different paths. but we still stay in touch. i miss them a lot. i hope they're all doing fine xx.

my current progress in college life:
1. i went over to my friend's dorm for the first time!
2. and we cooked spaghetti because i missed how it taste from home.
3. we hung out at sunway pyramid.
4. we cooked fried riceee!
5. and we're about to go swimming this monday woohoo.

more excitements await in college life, good luck me.
// i'm going swimming with my friends this monday i'm so excited >:O
// descendants of the sun is gooooood TT. "everytime" and "talk love" are my favourite songs from the soundtrack. it's amazing.
// still not getting the hang of driving. just a little bit more.

it's just another casual day. after classes end and your friends leave, you are left alone and decided to take a trip to the mall. you were clothes shopping one shop after the other. you passed by the ice rink on your way to the next. you thought "yeah. i could use a break" and watched the ice skaters do their thing.

there were the newbies like you, who were either being careful or tripping and falling everywhere. there were kids who were practicing for their upcoming competition. there were the pros who like to show off their ice-skating skills. but you can't help to switch your focus on this one guy. he somehow grabbed your attention on him. there he was, a good skater he is. with his brown hair and dark clothes, he stood out of the crowd. he looked like jun sung ahn, the guy was pretty ravishing. you just stared at him, twirling and twirling around the rink. at the moment you thought "wow. he's dreamy".

you stared at him longer for the amount of time. suddenly you see a kid fell down from the rink with his mom worried about her. you wished you could help but you weren't in the rink and you were two floors above it. but there he was, prince charming to the rescue. he helped the kid up and if you think that's sweet enough, he accompanied her until she could be okay on her own. she was adorable, trying hard whilst wiping her tears with her hands. and he was there just beside her, helping her whenever she falls.

after he was assured she was okay on her own, he ice-skated like a pro towards his friends. and with his arms around both his pals, they laughed. and i just thought. wow. what a guy.

// when you help someone whenever they're in trouble, and when they don't help you in your hardest times. does it make you feel like a trash can? cause it does to me.
// i wish i could meet someone like him in the future. this is the definition of a "turn-on". hope i'll see you again on the ice rink. it was a lovely fairy tale.