Hello internet.

How are y'all doing? I miss blogging a lot. I did struggle for awhile about what to blog after such a long time. i had to give my think tank some time to regenerate. my creativity kind of died for the past month. and i hope it comes back quick. the thought of going through an aimless life for some reason terrifies me. i guess you could say i'm a creator. i just want to create. rather than just laying on my couch looking at the fan spinning on the ceiling.

It's officially the holidays and you know what that means. Staying at home crippling until i am given a new purpose next year. loljk. i got my driver's license. i got four months of time to do whatever i want to do. either by myself or with company. december will be a packed month for me. i'll be going to Hong Kong. going to disneyland for the first time. i want to make sure to film every bit of it. and turn it into a loving video memory. at the same time, boost my creativity. I do love filming, i really do. i wish i can meet people who like it as much as i do. the struggle of wanting to be in the video but not to get embarrassed for asking others to film it for you is a pain.

Things i learnt in 2015;

- everyone bullshits. i don't know if i am. but i think i'm not. i don't know. why won't people accept facts when it's true. why won't people accept they're good enough. it's hard to say because i'm clearly doing the opposite. but i have my reasons. which i think until now. no one really can twist them around. that's why i stand on my case.

- i'm not entirely in my comfort zone with anyone just yet.

- i hate it when people judge me for what i do. i know people will judge you no matter what blablabla. but right now i'm talking about the kind of people who make you feel insecure for doing something that helps you feel secure. this is really hard to absorb for you is it haha.

- people are capable of change. and you can't expect them to change immediately. you have to hurt their feelings in order for them to understand if they're a bit of a hard shell. please do not revert back to who you were.

- sometimes i'm an asshole for wanting not to give other people something because i think they have enough. like when you have other people, please do not use me to your liking. you have others right? you don't need me. i want to cut off toxic people like these.

- there are people when ignored or left, they would do anything to get noticed because they think they're worth it. they think their feelings are valid for others to accept. they think they matter. and then there's me. i just shut up. and everyone seems fine to me. i don't want to ruin that happiness other people are having. if they don't need me, they don't. even if i leave or stay, i don't think i'll matter either way. because people will be people. and i put myself at the bottom of the food chain. it's pretty stupid. i really don't want to. but i can't help it.

- just found out the possibility that i think i hold grudges lol. but i don't talk or do anything about it. so keep calm everyone alright.

- why are there people who give others promises but they don't keep them? don't they care what the other person feels. maybe they're staking their whole life for them.

- it's sad to see people fall in love with how people look instead of how compatible they are.

- i'm really inspired to do a post about toxic people i don't like. coming soon.

- i wish people understand. but at the same time, i don't. it's too much trouble.

- crying does help me relive my anxiety. but the aftermath of headaches and swollen eyes. comfort > pain.

- i really want to meet an artistic guy who loves to create as much as i do. a guy like pj liguori, will darbyshire or justin llarena. they have a mind of their own. waiting for the day.

// this might look like a depressing post. but it is the truth. i had to get my thoughts out there. this is how i express my feelings. and it helps. so as always, it's no big deal. i'm not going through depression.

// people might think of me looking for attention as i'm posting this publicly. i think of this as if i'm talking to a stranger which it kind of is really. and i can help other people going through the same thoughts i do. and we can meet up and banter about life.

// next post; time travel, postbox.