Somebody help.
tw: other people's happiness
I'm sorry.
For not being the person you wanted.
For not being the person you wanted.
What am I supposed to do
to be the person you want me to be
Hello Internet.
I was thinking again and I felt that I had to blog this for myself.
Me & Karen were talking about friends today and we tumbled upon the topic "guy friends".
I was talking about how weird it is that I'm a girl living with only brothers yet they most of the friends I make are girls since Karen would understand cause she's on the same boat. She was surprised as well.
She can talk to boys so it's okay. But in my case, I think I can never be tight with a guy friend.
I think reasons are:
a) They're more attracted and like my other friends more.
b) I haven't met the one I can click with?
c) I just suck at socializing.
"I have no problem talking to guys but they'll just treat me as a guy too." - k.k.
"At least you can still make friends." - juni.
"But they see you as a girl, treat you like a girl." - k.k
"Okay listen here. I do have guy friends right now, they treat me as a lady. But they'll just say the normal things they say when they see other girls like 'hey that girl's pretty' or 'hey how are you?', nothing else. At least you have some sort of connection." - juni.
Up until now, I have to be honest. I have never ever had an actual guy friend before.
Even if I did, they were only 'friends' not 'best buds'.
I never send texts to a guy before, I never did skinship with a guy before, I don't think I ever made a guy's heart flutter before. I'm very inexperienced.
Most people say if you have a guy best friend, you'll eventually fall for him.
Umm.. there's a thing called the 'friendzone'. Especially after seeing Samantha's admirers.
The curiosity of having a guy friend got me to the extent that I totally wouldn't mind having a gay friend like Tyler Oakley or Troye Sivan. They're cool.
Surely girls will say "c'mon you can just survive with girl friends, you don't need guys!"
Yes that's true but I'm just really curious how it's like. Like the time I was curious how's it like to have a boyfriend. Maybe after hearing Samantha's friendship with Valiant, I was jealous.. *awkward*
Well I hope one day I'll meet a cool dude who I can tell secrets and share stories with.
Until next time. Mkay bye xx.
I was thinking again and I felt that I had to blog this for myself.
Me & Karen were talking about friends today and we tumbled upon the topic "guy friends".
I was talking about how weird it is that I'm a girl living with only brothers yet they most of the friends I make are girls since Karen would understand cause she's on the same boat. She was surprised as well.
She can talk to boys so it's okay. But in my case, I think I can never be tight with a guy friend.
I think reasons are:
a) They're more attracted and like my other friends more.
b) I haven't met the one I can click with?
c) I just suck at socializing.
"I have no problem talking to guys but they'll just treat me as a guy too." - k.k.
"At least you can still make friends." - juni.
"But they see you as a girl, treat you like a girl." - k.k
"Okay listen here. I do have guy friends right now, they treat me as a lady. But they'll just say the normal things they say when they see other girls like 'hey that girl's pretty' or 'hey how are you?', nothing else. At least you have some sort of connection." - juni.
Up until now, I have to be honest. I have never ever had an actual guy friend before.
Even if I did, they were only 'friends' not 'best buds'.
I never send texts to a guy before, I never did skinship with a guy before, I don't think I ever made a guy's heart flutter before. I'm very inexperienced.
Most people say if you have a guy best friend, you'll eventually fall for him.
Umm.. there's a thing called the 'friendzone'. Especially after seeing Samantha's admirers.
The curiosity of having a guy friend got me to the extent that I totally wouldn't mind having a gay friend like Tyler Oakley or Troye Sivan. They're cool.
Surely girls will say "c'mon you can just survive with girl friends, you don't need guys!"
Yes that's true but I'm just really curious how it's like. Like the time I was curious how's it like to have a boyfriend. Maybe after hearing Samantha's friendship with Valiant, I was jealous.. *awkward*
Well I hope one day I'll meet a cool dude who I can tell secrets and share stories with.
Until next time. Mkay bye xx.
Hello internet!
It's been a while. I'm back to school. I can get away in anything in excuse of a broken arm. Life is good.
My collarbone's not fully healed but it's almost there. Ooh when will I be able to stretch my arms in the morning again?
I haven't told anyone about this, but I've grown a cyst in my underarm.
One problem after another, right?
But gladly, it's not a serious problem. But I still need to get surgery.
Surgery. Is such a scary word.
I remember how much I cried for my first one. But now I think I'm okay with it.
But idk how I'll be like in the operation room. Maybe the nightmares will come back.
The doctor said to get surgery as fast as possible to get rid of the cyst. But problem is..
I can't raise my arm because of the long metal inside of my shoulder.
So after it's healed, I'll be having two surgery's in one. Pretty cool.
I hope after surgery my scars will heal prettily.
Surgery date: Someday in September during the school holidays
There goes my holiday again. Spent in my room watching anime and sleeping in bed for hours. That doesn't sound so bad.
The second time getting anesthesia. I swear that thing is freaking scary.
One shot and bam! You feel nothing and you're practically dead.
Let's hope that everything will go smoothly.
In the midst of this, I thought of Hazel Grace, a character in the popular movie The Fault In Our Stars.
She must've suffered a lot. But Augustus was always by her side.
I wonder, where's my Augustus?
It's been a while. I'm back to school. I can get away in anything in excuse of a broken arm. Life is good.
My collarbone's not fully healed but it's almost there. Ooh when will I be able to stretch my arms in the morning again?
I haven't told anyone about this, but I've grown a cyst in my underarm.
One problem after another, right?
But gladly, it's not a serious problem. But I still need to get surgery.
Surgery. Is such a scary word.
I remember how much I cried for my first one. But now I think I'm okay with it.
But idk how I'll be like in the operation room. Maybe the nightmares will come back.
The doctor said to get surgery as fast as possible to get rid of the cyst. But problem is..
I can't raise my arm because of the long metal inside of my shoulder.
So after it's healed, I'll be having two surgery's in one. Pretty cool.
I hope after surgery my scars will heal prettily.
Surgery date: Someday in September during the school holidays
There goes my holiday again. Spent in my room watching anime and sleeping in bed for hours. That doesn't sound so bad.
The second time getting anesthesia. I swear that thing is freaking scary.
One shot and bam! You feel nothing and you're practically dead.
Let's hope that everything will go smoothly.
In the midst of this, I thought of Hazel Grace, a character in the popular movie The Fault In Our Stars.
She must've suffered a lot. But Augustus was always by her side.
I wonder, where's my Augustus?
"You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I'm grateful."
Mkay bye xx.
i'm someone who falls for people but then i fall too hard.
i wonder if you think of me the way i think of you?
i can see others loved by all. loved by her uniqueness,
loved by her kindness, loved her because she was different
is there anyone who loves you for real or do they just love you like how they love everyone?
They say be yourself, but sometimes being myself, it doesn't apply to me
others are loved by being themselves, getting compliments like:
'you're cool', 'you're really different'.
but i am myself, is 'myself' not good enough?
everyone loves the other more than me, maybe seeing the other get approached,
and me sitting by myself at the side, got me thinking
am i loved? yes.
do i want to be loved? yes.
am i loved by many? i wish i'd knew.
i'm not fishing for compliments
it's not depression, it's not jealousy
it's just a thought that i had.
