Unextraordinaire
March 19, 2014
Hello Internet! :)
Grandma I know you're being really sweet and nice but I really don't want to eat anymore D:
Now I'm trying my best to get fit and achieve my dream of getting a flat stomach!
And I gotten a liking to jogging, it felt like hell when I first started but now it feels refreshing.
Jogging laters xx.
Countdown 2 days till the holiday! Everyone's excited I know.
Outings, parties, trips, vacations. I can't wait for the Langkawi trip on April!
I'm interested in fashion and boy, I need to get my shopping done.
I'll be a fashionista this year hah. Dress to impress.
And I want to work hard this year.
I want to exceed my mom's expectations and make her proud of me.
I'll be starting on the holidays
Things I hate:
1. Lies
2. Being used
3. Broken Promises
4. People who think that they're better than everyone
5. People who are inconsiderate
6. Basically just people and society.
Lately I'm really fond of the word 'unextraordinary'. I found this word in a book "The Fault In Our Stars" written by John Green and it really left me a huge impression on me.
I always wanted to feel special to someone. To be their number 1.
Friends say that I'm 'special' to them but I feel that they're just saying that to be nice.
Seeing that my friends have other friends that love them as much as me. I feel ordinary to them. And when my old friends come to me while I'm with my friend, they say hi to my friend and I'm just there standing and being invisible.
Am I a bore?
Am I not 'special' enough?
Am I unextraordinary?
I don't know. I feel like a plastic bag drifting through the wind these days. And I always feel left out and invisible everywhere I go now that the condition is like this. Really. Sometimes I stare at the people when they get immersed in their conversations about stuff that that they know and I don't, at that moment I feel invisible. Maybe I'm just jealous. I don't want to be jealous.
"Jealousy brings out the ugliest sides of girls."
Was what my friend told me but I can't help to not be jealous. No one can.
"There's a little part in jealousy called insecurity." - Samantha Loh.
As you may know, I have low self-esteem and I'm very insecure about a lot of things when all the pretty people are around you. But we'll never know who sees us as pretty.
What I'm trying to imply here is that I don't feel belong anywhere and I can't fit in.
Fitting in has always been a horrible word for me.
To be honest, I actually tried to fit in.
I'm socially awkward and I try my best to make friends, but then they still see me as awkward no matter how hard I try, I just give up. People only care if you're pretty or dying.
Everyone obviously wants a more 'interesting' individual rather than a boring ordinary person like me.
On the bright side, I won't get enemies, people who use me to be popular nor dramas.
"I went through these arduous life circumstances in solidarity and you should be grateful that you have people to bolster your back." - Kah Mun.
That's exactly what I would say when someone who currently has true friends around her but instead she says she's 'foreveralone'. Maybe I'm like that too. Idk.
I want a best friend who I can share everything with.
I think I ask for too much.
This post is not meant for attention seeking. It's my blog. My blog is to express, not impress.
I just wish to have that 'special' best friend quality to someone.
To be honest, I did think I have but the latter doesn't seem like she cares so-
Don't you go all too friendly with me tomorrow cause I'd probably won't believe you since I wrote this post.
Mkay bye xx.
// I found out why people self-harm. It'll be easier to forget about sadness mentally and focus on the pain physically:(
// My eyesight has gotten pretty serious. It's over 900. Am I going blind? Am I getting laser surgery?
// Next post: Paranormal Activity aka my new weird facts.
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