is it weird to be homesick in your 20's? yup.
hi. i'm a 21 year old girl that moved out from my own home for my studies and am now living alone in a dorm writing this post. i thought i mastered the art of becoming an adult - i think i'm not just there yet.
i find myself sitting in my room, thinking of my mom: missing her home-cooked food, having funny conversations about my brothers and my dog, her teaching me how to sew, cook and many many more. now that i'm alone, on my own (literally on my own) - i am the boss of my own plans which to be honest, i'm pretty good at occupying myself with activities to entertain myself. i make plans with other people, join clubs and activities, getting to know people, having a jolly good time. as least that's what it seems like on the surface.
when i come back to my room, ok first of all - i love my room, i love my personal space, i love the view and the alone time with myself. but sometimes, it all feels like the first day of university - sad, alone, on my own, with no one to hold. first day was tough. but i understood why. however, it's been two years in. i still can't enable myself to move in with any friend i have. i still don't find it comfortable to open myself to others. trust me when i say this but i do like everyone, i have friendssssssss :) but i was never exactly in like a group/gang? i don't have one of those for dorm nights. my close friends leave after class.
why did this happen tho? i feel like i spent way too much time focusing on that one person, for that entire semester. i didn't utilize that time to make new friends and could've created what you'd call a "dorm family". when that person left, i had no one left. i did spent my months reconnecting with many but somehow it feels a little bit too late.
do i just feel lonely? or am i just not independent enough? to this, it makes me miss my mom. she was always there for me. and i could always feel it even when she's not. my friends has other friends that occupy them. i've always felt like i had no one. i never had that partner in crime through me in life - at least that's what i think right now. all in all, i could say that i really have a tendency to rely on someone for my extra time. to have someone in my life right now that is there for me, it makes me feel secure. but i feel like that's kinda for the wrong purpose. is it? because i find it really hard to handle this all on my own. i feel like other people can because they have friends. i feel like i can't because my friends are just surface-level for me. i do want deep friendships but is that something you should ask for in your 20's? because everything feels like an occupation and you're friends because you're there - not because of deep personal feelings. basically i find it hard to trust anyone. except myself, my family and my high school friends. i just want to learn about how to be independent. so i will stop having second doubts and be content about my life.
// thanks for listening to my small rant. i'm just really pressed this month. i started my new semester. even though it's a flexible timetable, the pressure is on a whole another level. hope i survive - says me every semester till i graduate.
hi. i'm a 21 year old girl that moved out from my own home for my studies and am now living alone in a dorm writing this post. i thought i mastered the art of becoming an adult - i think i'm not just there yet.
i find myself sitting in my room, thinking of my mom: missing her home-cooked food, having funny conversations about my brothers and my dog, her teaching me how to sew, cook and many many more. now that i'm alone, on my own (literally on my own) - i am the boss of my own plans which to be honest, i'm pretty good at occupying myself with activities to entertain myself. i make plans with other people, join clubs and activities, getting to know people, having a jolly good time. as least that's what it seems like on the surface.
when i come back to my room, ok first of all - i love my room, i love my personal space, i love the view and the alone time with myself. but sometimes, it all feels like the first day of university - sad, alone, on my own, with no one to hold. first day was tough. but i understood why. however, it's been two years in. i still can't enable myself to move in with any friend i have. i still don't find it comfortable to open myself to others. trust me when i say this but i do like everyone, i have friendssssssss :) but i was never exactly in like a group/gang? i don't have one of those for dorm nights. my close friends leave after class.
why did this happen tho? i feel like i spent way too much time focusing on that one person, for that entire semester. i didn't utilize that time to make new friends and could've created what you'd call a "dorm family". when that person left, i had no one left. i did spent my months reconnecting with many but somehow it feels a little bit too late.
do i just feel lonely? or am i just not independent enough? to this, it makes me miss my mom. she was always there for me. and i could always feel it even when she's not. my friends has other friends that occupy them. i've always felt like i had no one. i never had that partner in crime through me in life - at least that's what i think right now. all in all, i could say that i really have a tendency to rely on someone for my extra time. to have someone in my life right now that is there for me, it makes me feel secure. but i feel like that's kinda for the wrong purpose. is it? because i find it really hard to handle this all on my own. i feel like other people can because they have friends. i feel like i can't because my friends are just surface-level for me. i do want deep friendships but is that something you should ask for in your 20's? because everything feels like an occupation and you're friends because you're there - not because of deep personal feelings. basically i find it hard to trust anyone. except myself, my family and my high school friends. i just want to learn about how to be independent. so i will stop having second doubts and be content about my life.
// thanks for listening to my small rant. i'm just really pressed this month. i started my new semester. even though it's a flexible timetable, the pressure is on a whole another level. hope i survive - says me every semester till i graduate.
