hello internet!
miss me? i bet you did haha yeah riteee. i'm not gonna apologize for not blogging the past month (sorry not sorry) cuz i was tackling with trials. i'm left with the last day of trials which is on monday and i'll be home free :). temporarily. at least i'm getting some time to chill, refresh and take a breath for awhile. so whilst studying physics yesterday, i suddenly got inspired and popped a thought in my head. and well, it's great cuz i haven't felt inspired to do anything but studying during exams. exams have made me so numb from my thoughts and has only filled me up with information necessary for what needs to be answered on a piece of paper.

back to the topic, i was just casually you know. thinking about life consistently. thinking about people and their different variations of behaviours. and of course there are some of us who are happily being themselves fully, some putting on masks just to fit in to society and others just killing themselves, hating how they are. you choose how you want to live your life freely. but anyways i'm not gonna talk about that. for me, i do like the current version of me right now but there's another version of me that i want to be but i can't because of too many reasons. so what i'm hoping for is that, i could be this designated version of me in my next life.

for any those of you who know me personally, i'm pretty sure you'll be super familiar with the attitude and behaviour i'm about to talk about right now. i look like a cute, shy, humble girl that's nice to each and everyone i meet. hahaha actually it's the other way around. not entirely. my close friends know that i don't just say mean things, instead i actually plan lots of horrible things to do to them for example glue their butts to their chairs, making "coincidental" dramas and lots more which go beyond than this. but oh of course, me being so pureee and kind-hearted *cue projectile vomiting*, i would never want to hurt anyone even though how shit of a person they are. you guys should be blessed you didn't meet the other me.

basically i'm an arsehole who talks shit but don't do shit, you get it? what i'm gonna blog about today is how i imagine myself if i was this arsehole that i want to be.

- hi my name is... i actually haven't figured it yet. i visualized myself as sen mitsuji. pretty over the top i know but a girl can dream <3. leave me suggestions after reading x.

- codename: ninja. silly? at least it's cool. i have to be in touch with my geeky side.

- i'll be an intelligent arsehole. by intelligence, i mean i can ace tests without going to classes. i invent my own weapons for my diabolical plans. when i do get in trouble, teachers let me off with lectures about discipline but not my grades cuz i'm smart aite.

- i'd be a lone wolf. i know i'm not an arsehole to the extreme but depending on how close you'll be to me, i will hurt you at some point. even if i do have friends, those friends are temporary. they're the fake friends that only hang out with you just to look friendly and cool. they're probably more of an arsehole than i am.

- my job for being this arsehole to not to harm people physically with punches, more of a psychological psychopath to mess up your mentality. i ruin reputations of people who i think don't deserve it. of course i do all of those in secret and that's where the ninja part happens.

- hobbies include skateboarding. photography of people and places, and art.

- i won't smoke but as cliche as it sounds, i would do the cigarette thing that augustus waters do. "you put the killing thing in your mouth, but you don't give it the power to kill it. get it? it's a metaphor." i ABSOLUTELY won't say that. it's so cheesy. but i'll do it haha. hypocritical af.

- i'll probably vape though and try to do cool smoke ring tricks. i won't smoke on a daily basis. just when i feel really down or stressful.

- i'll have the quiff, wear black all day all night and bring my headphones wherever i go.

- people who are either too nice or too horrible will hate me so hard because i'm like the middle man. from an angel to the devil or the other way around based on who i'm confronting with and my mood.

- no brag but i'm pretty sure all the chicks would dig me lol. i may be an arsehole but i'm not a douchebag. i won't take advantage of girls like how douchebags do in the movies.

- i know that usually the popular mean girls would love types like this, well guess what. i'll make you hate me. i'm looking for a girl who would stand my constant mood change, not for popularity or just to seem "cool". i do not want to deal with people who aren't worth my time. plus i get to do mean things to you which gives me self-satisfaction for my enjoyment aye.

- if i ever get the mood to explore some place i never went to for example maybe a small quiet alleyway or a forbidden place that i'm not supposed to go over, i'm going. i don't care of it's in the middle of class or shiz. my sense of adventure is what i live for.

- i probably won't get one but if i do. a partner which thinks the same way as i do and is able to tolerate me for my obnoxious ways, i swear to god i will bring you everywhere with me. i'll be the guy who comes to your doorstep at 2 a.m and tells you to hop on my car. we'll travel along the quiet roads which are only quiet only during midnight. jump down, mark places, photography, heart-to-heart talks in the middle of nowhere. we'll feel infinite.

- travelling overseas with me will be the bomb. vlogging buddy, that's me.

please let me be this version of me in my next life.

mkay bye xx.
// anna grostina's videos inspired me to vlog. her editing skills are on point.
// the thing about photographers is that when they take amazing pictures for you, please be considerate and take the best picture for them as well, to all the ungrateful ones x.
// i'm literally going shopping at F21 with my mom soon. i'm so excited cuz i can never afford clothes there but tysm mom.
// i miss having deep conversations with you. how do people keep up with this without feeling awkward.