what's in my head at the moment?

- the only way i'm able to meet new people and make new friends is when i'm alone with them, which seldom happens. and i am always surrounded by more interesting people than myself. i wonder how i'll make friends in the future.

- i hate it how bad comments influence and pull me down. i mean right now i know the things i do aren't anything harmful to anybody or myself. so if i have interest in that certain thing and you don't, you don't have to say it like it's a crime to have interest in what i like.

- i wish i could meet someone who i have zero doubts on. but probably one out of a million people would think the same way as i do. maybe none even.

- it's the end of july. and i'm pretty sure i'm gonna screw my trials.

- i realised i'm really interested in human nature. seeing how people act in their own ways, i find it fascinating. now i sound like a scientist doing experiments right haha. it's just funny to see the contrast between people.

- i was into astrological signs and first off, i don't believe in them but they're fun to kill time with and to summarize with what i learnt;

aries - the one that's always fighting with others for some reason.
taurus - the neutral. the girl who gets secure then insecure. no major problems.
gemini - the stereotypical girl who loves yapping, going out and getting boyfriends.
cancer - the caring mother but is internally sad af.
leo - the born beautiful and popular. that is constantly going with the flow of others for fun.
virgo - the smart ass. literally everything was about brains.
libra - the fcked up teen. the rebel but does what they want to do for happiness.
scorpio - the lustful murderer. they're sexy and crazy when they're mad.
sagittarius - the comedian. the creative one with the best laugh.
capricorn - changes from 100% nice to 100% bad or vice versa.
aquarius - the anti-social, always on the internet and stays indoors 24/7.
pisces - the super super nice sign who's okay with everyone's bullcrap.
ophiuchus - the new sign that i personally find annoying. something about the earth's rotation is different so there's this catastrophe. if i followed this, i'd turn into a capricorn. i'm not willing to stop being an aquarius.

- i had the most imponderable joy in sunway lagoon. it's been a long time since i joined one big group of friends that has both boys and girls and we're all just happy hanging out with each other. i met and made quite a number of friends cuz i actually got some personal time with them. especially the juniors, honestly i don't really want to call them juniors, they're more like friends than just juniors. i just wanted to say that i'm very grateful.

- i had a discussion about crushes lately. about how weird to get someone to even like you as you are. i'm 100% sure i don't hahaha. but still like how awkward would it be to know that your crush is always looking at you. imagine this. i was choking on popcorn few days ago. i had a runny nose and my mouth was already trying to grasp for air. basically, i looked like a seal with a seizure. does that sound attractive to you? hahaha. i guess everyone deserves a guy who would love you for your ugly side.

- i'm always in need of a hug when i'm feeling down. somehow i just crave warmth that fills up this emptiness in my chest. it's weird i know. i'm going to be a hella clingy girlfriend.

- smoke and water calms me down. especially the colour blue, purple and a lil bit of pink.


mkay bye xx.

// selamat hari raya! why aren't the holidays longer. balik kampung tomorrow huhu.
// i just realised that 10% of the guys i'm attracted to like the colour black and llamas. um oddly specific much?

honestly, i think we're the definition of weird. no. don't think. we are the definition of weird, truly.

we did so many things that no one knows. we don't post our activities public. which is also a great thing because it kinda becomes like our dirty little secret.
they think we're just some basic group of friends who'll leave each other after high school. truth is we've created so many memories that no one knows that bonded us to not just friends, but sisters.

the originals; me and sn.

2011; sam and carmen has officially joined the group.

idk how we came up with this but we started throwing water out of our water bottles after the end of every exam which turned into a tradition until we stopped at form 3.

we all had problems regarding people in school. fun gossips and chatting sessions.

2012; krn has officially joined the group.

we do birthday surprises for each other since form four. and to each and every one of us.

we went for our first outing as a group in 2014. which was so long. i had only went separately with sn and krn. excluding carmen sadly but we'll get her out after school's over.

we went out with our friend, alessandra the exchange student from italy. she was like the ex-member of our squad haha. we should visit her.

we have problems. but somehow we made through it all. it was bumpy but we made it with no regrets or fallen friendships.

we help each other. academically, physically and mentally.

we know when to give a person space and we respect that.

i think we're all good-natured which is one of the best traits we have in our group.

by now, i'm pretty sure everyone is close to everyone in the group.

even though we're all pretty messed up, the hipster a.k.a our squad leader, the silly yet charming pretty girl, the badass who doesn't like taking pictures, the artist who has her constant and quick moodswings, and me who overthinks and is partly-diagnosed with depression.

we're on each other's team. and i'm blessed to be one of the members in this wonderful mess.
i really do hope we'll remember and meet each other in the future as long as we live. fulfilling our promises about going overseas together and having our aunties' chat while drinking tea. till we meet again in the future x.

mkay bye xx.
// happy july! getting near trials and i wish i can stop being an ignorant knob still.
// sometimes i wish i would stop thinking because the more i do, the more i feel like shyt.
// tell me we're your #squadgoals hahahajk, we're pretty dumb and lame lol.
// we were celebrating karen's birthday a week ago. it was absolutely fun. idk how rumour spread fast in school. it was just a normal thing we do all the time.

"ayee today was fun. i think out of all the adventures we had this is the best one."
- karen after the end of every adventure we have.