"i was having one of those days when you feel that life... likes you."

"i'm so glad you took the pickled fish, because i've been eating it. and i couldn't kiss you unless you'd had some too; which is both gross and breathtaking romantic."

"he liked being seen with me; therefore, i liked being seen with me, if that makes any sense."

"it was feeling just beyond fear and somewhere to the left of sadness. tired, but not the kind of tired that sleep fixes. it was dark and gloomy, and yet, it didn't seem that things would get any better if the lights were turned up."

"but knowing something is beautiful and caring about it are two very different things."

"sometimes you just have to do stuff you aren't sure about."

"i could take charge of this day that had run away from me too many times."

"one person's crazy is another person's sane."

"but sometimes i need someone to shine a little light on me too."

"i never felt like anything was at a stake with her, because i always knew how it would end. she never seemed worth the risk."

"dark is sexy. ambivalent is sexy. deeper-than-it-looks-at-first-glance is sexy."

"you're good at that. at, like, saying crazy things in a way that makes me believe them."

"and i did not want to have a happy middle with her at the expense of an inevitably disastrous forever."

"once you think a thought, it is extremely difficult to unthink it."

"but she was underselling herself. she always undersold herself."

"as for me, i loved him so much it hurt. what tripped us up, i think, was the way we showed our love. we spoke different love languages."

"can't you just trust in our love, without asking me to prove it every single second?"

"hi, said my sadness. i'm ba-a-ack. did you miss me?"

"and wherever he was, i hoped his heart was warm."

"you've just got to take a good hard look at yourself, change what needs to be changed, and move on."

Review:
- this is the last john green book that took me the longest to read. i thought it was going to be disappointing since it was only co-written by john green and i got reviews from a friend that it was bad, i didn't want to read it until i thoroughly did and surprisingly i enjoyed it!

- having three love stories with different romantic situations; these kind of books are my favourite. helps to remind us that there are infinite possibilities of events that can happen to anyone in any setting. and i was super duper satisfied when the three couple encountered each other at the ending. it's as if the author heard my prayer saying "please let all of them meet each other! please!".

- out of the three short stories, i liked a cheertastic christmas miracle the best (john green's part of the book, not surprisingly cough). however i related more to the jubilee express and liked maureen johnson's way of writing more. my favourite character will have to be tobin, cause any guy written and created in a john green story is the best man any girl would go for.

- i wish schools are able to use this book as a teaching tool for literature, i know it doesn't look like the best but the fact that it has three different short stories and distinct characters. it would be a fun book for teens to read as well.

// i just done dorm-room shopping from ikea! should i do a dorm room haul for fun? i'm really excited from all the furniture i bought haha. so this is why beauty gurus are so extra.
// so the best miracle just happened to me today: i was at ikea looking for a rug but y'know how ikea rugs are hella expensive (why tho)? i found one that was on sale but it was out of stock so i guess that's that. just then! we had a problem regarding the plates i bought since they had no tag so we needed customer service. while i was running back in to look for more plates, my mum saw a women with the rug that we needed, but the thing is that it was out of stock, remember? just as my mum's number was called, that lady with the rug came to the same counter too (i think she was confused) but who knew this would become a lucky day for me. turns out the lady was returning the rug she bought so instead she sold it to my mum and i got both the plates and the rug! my mum can't stop saying how that rug was totally meant for me haha. end.

"He always felt like he should say something to her, even if it was just hello or excuse me."

"It's not even like that, and thinking it made her want to cry, because she knew it was true."

"The only thing she didn't like to think about, about Park, was what he could possibly see in her."

"His voice was deeper than she'd ever realised, but sort of warm in the middle."

"She never felt like she belonged anywhere, except for when she was lying on her bed, pretending to be somewhere else."

"Park had the sort of face you'd painted because you didn't want history to forget it."

"And when eleanor smiled, something broke inside him. something always did."

"She never looked nice. She looked like art, and art wasn't supposed to look nice; it was nice supposed to make you feel something."

"His eyes missed her as much as the rest of him."

"It was because she was different - because she wasn't afraid to be. (or maybe she was just more afraid of being like everyone else.)"

"Eleanor was always seeing him in unexpected places. It was like their lives were overlapping lines, like they had their own gravity. Usually, that serendipity felt like the nicest thing the universe had ever done for her."

"He tried to remember how this had happened - how she went from someone he'd never met to the only one who mattered."

"What were the chances you'd ever meet someone like that? Someone you could love forever, someone who would forever love you back? And what did you do when that person was born half a world away?"

Review:
- as every teen love book lover, i'll admit that it was something worth reading. even though i thought the story was pretty cliche and i didn't exactly like eleanor's character, the romance part of park got me hooked. every time he says i love you my heart aches.

- it's definitely an interesting story that brings out on the ideals of most characters in love stories where two of the most claimed unattractive people fall in love with each other. it's a wonderful story that gives out an amazing message on how appearances don't matter when you truly love somebody. how people view you may be different to everyone else and that it's okay to embrace yourself for who you are.

- my favourite character was park. he was so selfless, brave and loving. i honestly don't think eleanor deserves him with all that mess she's putting him in ohmygod i really didn't like eleanor's character, i find her intolerable. and also about park's mom, i love her korean accent. very cute.

- i imagined park to look like evan ghang from buzzfeed. he fit the cute punk boy korean look. on the flip side, i couldn't put anyone's face on eleanor. she is definitely a special character. it's too bad that they aren't making a movie out of this. i wonder who would make a good eleanor.

// i'm not sure what i'm doing rn. i'm wandering.

personal input; my favourite romantic drama of all anime. first place next to kimi ni todoke. their romantic feelings were very youthful yet mature at the same time. does this make sense? i like romance that's more mature than just shy-shy-crush-crush-fall in love. very dramatic for sure.


personal input; season one was defo a great watch but season two was way too short :(. having the struggle for people to accept him for who he is was hard just bc he was born as satan's son and dem blue flames are so coooool.


personal input; iconic, gory and mesmerizing. i honestly thought it was too overrated and refused to watch it but i got so hooked since the first episode! it's that thrilling!


personal input; i love a good crime mystery anime and added with a twist of supernatural made it all the better. death note is a term that can be heard anywhere, that's how famous it is however it's disappointing how no one knows the true story behind that term so pls watch!




personal input; this is the true definition of high school puppy love. admiring your crush and having the miracle if he likes you back, this is the anime for that dream. whenever kazehaya blushes and covers his mouth is aaaaah kawaii <3


personal input; underrated anime i found when i couldn't get any new anime and i'm happy i stumbled upon this one. really gave me a life lesson on how we should treat people, whether through physical pain or emotional pain. we are all human. oh and can i say the anime art style is pure perfection.


personal input; this anime had me fvcked up in the head for several days. trigger warning; if you're a prude pls refrain from watching this. it's so wrong yet so true at the same time and it's true that sometimes the only thing we want out of love is just the feeling of security, regardless of it being anyone. idk about you but i like this anime, explains about today's society a lot.



personal input; tbh i liked the anime a lot more for its aesthetic than its actual story. the artist's anime drawing style and the colour correction on this was beautiful. want eye-pleasing anime? watch this.


personal input; i watched this anime bc my internet friend recommended it to me. it looked super innocent at first but ohmygod major plot twist. i expected it to be gory but not fvcked up. the end is worth watching for. you'll get soooo mindblown. very good!


personal input; laughed at all the twelve episodes. hilarious af. probably one of my favourites too! not only that its action-packed but it's funny. how do you make action funny? exactly.


personal input; sometimes when you screw up, don't you just want to travel back in time? it sounds like an amazing opportunity to do so, but is it really worth it? that's what this anime teaches you. if you're ready to face the struggle, no matter how deadly, just to change its outcome, you had to go through the pain all over again, your choice.


personal input; my elementary school animu. honestly not the type of anime you should watch if you're 15 or above cuz it's too cutesy and ridiculously innocent. with cute boy that dresses like cat. it's just nostalgia and holds sentimental value for me so i would watch it again.


personal input; if you're a beginner to anime and don't know what kind of genre to start with, i would recommend SAO. it almost includes all genres which is great and i just loved the concept of the idea of how gaming might evolve in the future. very iconic anime as well.


personal input; this anime is SO UNDERRATED IT DESERVES MORE LOVE. i found this anime through dan and phil and i love it. you would understand it if you were a music lover. the ending was such a twist! it's amazing how music can bring two people together.

xx.
ずっと (zutto) which means forever.
ほのか (honoka) which means harmony and flower.

and that concludes my list of recommended animu :)
anime may just look like a cartoon, but i wish people knew that anime is more than what it seems.

people like watching things in real life but with anime, you can picture the same humane things but with a touch of drawing magic. it contains just as good as the stories in any other movie, the same amount of feeling and excitement that you can watch. just because it isn't real-life-looking, doesn't mean that it's just a dumb cartoon that kids watch. don't you see that they're making movies with the concept of anime now? they're making the magic in anime come to life which is amazing. so if you don't watch anime, i think you're missing out.

// i am currently watching fullmetal alchemist:brotherhood which i heard is a great anime and it's about to be made into a real-life movie as well so i'll tell you if it's good when i get there!
// i've been obsessed with saying this japanese term: これわなんですか (what is this?). especially since dodie went to japan and learned it and it's just a cute word.

"I am so indescribably envious of these people - the people with plans, the people who have made their minds up about everything. I hate them. I want to be one of them."

"Pick a college. Pick a career. Pick a girl. Pick a government. Pick a toilet. Pick a personality. Pick a frickin'... I don't know but LOTS of things."

"maybe I'll still be me, but I'll just be the best bits of me, and less of the crap bits."

"I am a socially inept, romantically dysfunctional, potty-mouthed tosser and COMPLETE FRICKING IDIOT!"

"Sometimes things happen in your life that are so EARTH-SHATTERINGLY HUGE that, all of a sudden, they make the rest of your life seem tiny and unimportant by comparison."

"It was also the moment that I fell a little bit in love with her."

"What if I make the wrong decision? What if I make all the wrong decisions? What if I mess up my entire life by making a series of dodgy choices?"

"So much pressure to look cool, act cool, be an entertaining participant in conversations, not to be a nob..."

"make-up is a lie that girls wear every day of their lives."

"Have you ever considered that your life might actually be cursed?"

"Why are we being forced to choose what we do for the rest of our lives when we are barely out of childhood?"

"Deep down inside I know that if I try for this, and don't stop trying, then I will get there in the end."

"Goals are nothing but another way to log all the things you've failed at in life."

"If you're trying to be smooth, it usually helps to plan your words beforehand, you know, to maximise flattery and minimise twattery.

"Life always has a funny way of reminding you that, no matter how bad things might seem, it can always be worse. I just wish life would attempt teaching theory rather than always resorting to practical."

"I am organic. I am a sprawling mess. And that's how I like it."

Review:
- the first time a book has ever made me laugh so hard to my stomach, well done. insanely hilarious if you aren't a prude and think from a guy's perspective. i like how it's english (british-ly written). do guys seriously have this amazing of a life? i'm glad i got it for cheap during BBF's book sale. that's one good book out of the three.

- this guy: jack samsonite is just.. all i can say is that he really is a total twat and i'm pretty sure his life is cursed looking at all the events that happened in the book. aiyaiyai. and oh i loved the twist at the end. amazing.

- my favourite characters are well.. all the characters were total idiots so if i had to pick, em probably. she's really nice despite all the shit she has to go through with jack.
- i imagined jack maynard as james and conor maynard as tim. it was a good fit.

i'm nineteen. i'm in my last year of being considered as a "teen". i'm entering into degree. and my heart is in pain.

reasons why my heart is in pain;
- i'm leaving my college friends and i'm still finding it hard to let them go. i know we could meet up and catch up but, i'm afraid of the thought of separation. we aren't going to see each other in four years. and those four years is a long time. i can't rule out the possibilities.
- my curse is happening again. not that it's a bad curse but i'm not proud of it either. the curse of getting close to people only after graduating is both a reward and something i regret so much about. just a little more time, maybe things could've turned out into something unexpected.
- the fact how everyone else is still together whilst i'm out of the circle is something that has always hurt me deeply. i know in the end we'd all go our separate ways but the chances of me and you are so small i'm afraid we'll fade.

a lookback to my step to adulthood post, i quoted;
- "the pathway is perfectly planned. i just hope nothing changes in the next few years."
- "have they thought about the consequences? have they thought about their pathway or their plan for their future? and what about if things don't work out? they're supposed to have a plan B. or is it just me who's thinking so much?"
i'm incredibly mad at myself for being the cause of my failure. i never would've thought numbers could easily determine your next route to take nor does it also destroy your life in one second. you don't know how many days or months i've been dwelling on this on myself. i was so angry but in my heart i expected it, i knew i wasn't that capable. but i still insist on taking on my dream.

- "everything in life will be tough which really sucks, but there's no easy road to choose from anyway."
which is right. i know not everything comes easy. i tried my best i guess. even though the result wasn't fruitful, i'm still young and it's okay to make mistakes. at the age of eighteen, you're still forgivable since we were forced to make our decisions at such a young age. so please rethink on whatever you may be doing and question yourself if you're happy with what you're doing.

- "i swear to god, i'm such a procrastinator in every single thing i do. and somehow i always manage to find a way to not mess it up. amazing is it not?
well sadly to say to you past Juniper but this time i honestly think, you fucked up. and you fucked up real bad. and i hate it. i hate it so much. i wanted to kill myself. if it wasn't for those numbers, life would have gone through so much easier for you. VERY EASIER. i hope you learn something from this, that nothing should be taken easily.

- "maybe god is nice to me after all haha."
as my mom said when i started losing hope: "god always has a plan and maybe he's telling you to go down this path after all. maybe it's the right path you never noticed."

amazingly, god really does have a plan for you regardless. my journey to finding my next destination for my future was definitely torturous yet miraculous. just as i was starting to lose hope on all things and was about to take on something that i wasn't sure i would enjoy to be doing now or in the future, god came through. of course this wouldn't have happened if my mum wasn't supportive of my decisions and created opportunities for me which lead to this miracle. so thank you mum, you helped me out so much i can't believe i deserve someone this amazing as my mother.

it's crazy how time just flies with its wings so quickly, i remember the past years didn't go so fast but recently i feel like i'm on a rocket jet to adulthood. please slow down, father time. again with the cycle, meeting new people and getting into a new life once you just started getting comfortable with the now. sigh. i wish i can put everything on pause. but i know, life goes on.

// initially i was going to comment on my perspective on love but i went side-tracked. again haha. so i guess that's a story i'll put on another day.
// with bts' new song: spring day is making me harder to leave. everytime rapmon says his line "보고싶다", i get the feeeeels.

Mount Kinabalu.

granny and dog: iconic japanese movie poster.

i'm pretty sure i took too many pictures with sther. i honestly felt like i was doing a photoshoot lol (so not used to it but it was fun). is this what girlfriends feel like when their boyfriend help them to take pictures? takes a lot of thick face to do this LOL.

sohais.

keen&charles' braid turns out looking better than how i braid.

photography skills on point.

typical tourist picture.

they really went and do it...

look at sther's face HAHAHA.

i thought i was at Taj Mahal when i saw this.

she's clearly excited.

some houses on the hill.

GOPRO effect.

OG pic.

this place reminded me on the runaway bike scene in "legend of the blue sea".

when the mist started to come in!

two happy girls, one confused goat.

i borrowed esther's hat and looked japanese. konichiwa!

i found a big leaf and pretended to be totoro.

and they went and did it HAHAH.

after coming back from kundasang, we finally did the thing we wanted to do most in sabah in which where you can't do anywhere else. EATING CHEAP SEAFOOD. i had the BEST SEAFOOD DINNER at a cheap price of all time. hashtag bless man. i had a food coma after that. bless seafood. but we were still bored so what did we think of doing for our last night in sabah? we went to mcdonald's LOL. you can't escape mcd anywhere son.

we got so high after mcd we had a party in the hotel room.

we tried another sabah delicacy called roti kahwin. it's basically just bread with kaya and butter married to each other. is that their definition of kahwin lol? we had a good munch and a long sleep to the airport to prepare our last goodbyes :(



i'm glad we didn't get into an accident along the way to the airport bc if you recall, my friend isn't an experienced driver and we kinda left her hanging driving us there with all of us asleep except her. i tried to be awake for her sake but the sleep game was too strong i fallen through. good thing nothing bad happened and we reached there safely. bidding our farewell to huini was defo the most painful :( but at least we got to talk to her cute brother hahaha. and thanks so much for mama ng too xx.

we chilled around the airport and checked out the place and ohmygod did i tell u how expensive their ice cream was at mcdonald's? i mean it's the airport ofc it's pricey but RM2 for an ice cream? puh-leasseee no thank you. charles and keen got stopped at the gate for not having this crucial piece of paper which got us super freaking worried that they couldn't come back with us but the lady that was lecturing them helped them out so thanks lady!

we got on our plane as me and esther sat at a different location than the others. instead of sleeping on our way back, me and esther ended up talking the entire journey back. i think it started when i asked about something deep and with girls, any deep topic can bring us talking till tomorrow morning. i get the feeling me and esther just didn't want the experience to stop yet. i'm glad we did. it was a memorable heart-to-heart talk on the plane. it was really special.


arriving at KLIA2, we booked two different taxis. the taxi driver i got was really chatty and friendly bc he was one of those typical chinese uncles hahaha it was cute. we came to nadayu with my brothers there waiting for my arrival already. i lowkey wished they came later so that i can have more time to talk to them but i knew it was something i couldn't avoid. we all exchanged hugs as we said bye. i hugged them so tight and i really refuse to let go of them.

they're marked as really special people in my book. bc if you know me, in terms of the friends i choose, most of them are the ones i considered close. if you weren't close, i would cut contact with you entirely. i guess this is my story of being an introvert haha. i love them to the bottom of my heart and i wish them the best in their degree paths. ofc i will try to refrain myself from misbelieving the ugly truth but it's hard for me okay.

i'm happy i agreed to come on this sabah trip. i'm happy i got to spend my last moments with them with something so memorable. thank you esther, zr, charles, keen, janice and huini for being there. i wish i could've met our other sabah friends: yt and joe too. i wish the whole gang could've joined us in our adventure: yx, sherman, danson, kenwen, ben too i guess lol. thank you starting off my 2017 with a blast. love you guys always.

// if you found it tiring to read the whole post, i made a mini recap video on my instagram right here: https://www.instagram.com/p/BPpPsccFQiZ/?taken-by=j.vni&hl=en
i knew i could've given it to you sooner but my hard work of writing would go to waste without anyone reading it right? XD
// typing this post, especially the farewell part makes me so emotional.
// i'll miss you guys. thanks for being a big part of my life. i love you.